When it comes to marriage, both love and forgiveness are required in order to whole-heartedly pursue forever with another imperfect person. In the first phase of love (when it hasn’t been scarred and marred with trouble, trials and tests), it’s much easier to be vulnerable, much easier to love and much easier to forgive. Because, let’s face it. In this phase. Love is perfect. Our lover is perfect. Everything about the relationship is perfect. At first.
But anything that is sure to be confirmed as “tried and true” has to go through a series of tests in order to measure its strength, durability, reliability and authenticity.
This is why I liken marriage to the crash tests that are carried out by car companies. Businesses within this industry purposely ram their cars into concrete walls to assess two things: the amount of destruction a car can withstand and the driver’s response.
Now, this is not to say that you deliberately try to cause destruction in your marriage to test it, but it is to say that certain situations will arise to show you what your marriage is really made of. But first, let me be clear. I am never talking about a domestic violence marriage–one where you are abused physically, mentally or emotionally.
But, any couple that has been married for any real length of time will tell you that there are moments when it feels as though your marriage is headed towards a concrete wall going 80 miles an hour. There are times when the impact of a collision metaphorically leaves you shook, with blurred vision and ringing ears. There are times when you fear that your marriage was not built for “this” (whatever your “this” is). Your “this” could be financial situations, fidelity situations, family situations…but every married couple has or had a “this”. Sometimes, people are right. Sometimes, they are wrong, but one thing is for sure, professional counseling will help you figure out the impact the collision is having or has had on you. Don’t try to figure it out alone.
What I can say about my course is that along the way, I had to be courageous in loving and forgiving. I use courageous because it takes risk and guts to overcome the fear of being hurt, mismanaged, betrayed or taken for granted. It takes courage to love someone completely, and it takes even more courage to forgive them when their imperfections and poor decisions rear their ugly heads.
There have been times when I had to deliberately choose to let a thing go. Forever. To walk away from it. To put down any hurt and anger, and pick up love and forgiveness. Intentionally. To have the courage to escape the thing that hurt me in the collision and to choose not to let it hold my future with the person I love hostage.
Truth is: no one wants to experience a collision, but car companies will tell you that you can learn a lot from it.
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ALTHOUGH ANYONE MAY FIND THE TEACHINGS, PRACTICES, DISCIPLINES, TECHNIQUES, EXAMPLES, AND ANECDOTES OF THIS BLOG TO BE USEFUL, THE BLOG IS READ WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE AUTHOR NOR HEREAMII, LLC ARE ENGAGED IN PRESENTING ANY SPECIFIC FINANCIAL, TAX, CAREER, LEGAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, EMOTIONAL, OR HEALTH ADVICE. NOR IS ANYTHING IN THIS BLOG AN ANALYSIS, RECOMMENDATION, SOLUTION, DIAGNOSIS, PROGNOSIS, OR CURE FOR ANY SPECIFIC CAREER, MARRIAGE, FINANCIAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, EMOTIONAL, OR HEALTH CIRCUMSTANCE OR PROBLEM. EVERY PERSON HAS UNIQUE NEEDS AND CIRCUMSTANCES AND THIS BLOG DOES NOT TAKE THOSE INDIVIDUAL NEEDS AND CIRCUMSTANCES INTO ACCOUNT. ANY PERSON EXPERIENCING FINANCIAL OR CAREER CONCERNS, OR ANY ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, STRESS, HEALTH, OR RELATIONSHIP ISSUES, SHOULD CONSULT WITH A FINANCIAL OR TAX ADVISOR, CAREER COUNSELOR, MEDICAL DOCTOR, LICENSED PSYCHOLOGIST, LICENSED THERAPIST, OR OTHER APPROPRIATE QUALIFIED PROFESSIONAL BEFORE COMMENCING ANY NEW FINANCIAL PLAN OR TRANSACTION, CAREER STRATEGY, CHANGE IN PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, EXERCISE PROGRAM, OR FOLLOWING ANY OF THE TEACHINGS, METHODS, AND SUGGESTIONS DESCRIBED IN THIS BLOG. THIS BLOG IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE READER ENLISTING QUALIFIED PROFESSIONALS TO ASSIST WITH THE READER’S SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES, ISSUES AND PROBLEMS.